Updates on H- and us too

She went home with her dad on Tuesday. CPS told us it was OK and DH is really not ok with it. He found out a lot of information about H's dad, and he doesn't feel CPS is doing their job. I'm not upset with CPS, but if what DH found out is true, then I'm very sad for H.

I have been trying to find the right person to speak with at CPS for us to talk to, and I've been given the runaround- but I have one more person to talk to this afternoon. DH and I have heard a lot of things, and although it is heresay, we are going to include it in the other things we know of.

I called her yesterday to see if she was coming over (we have the teens over every Wednesday for bible study/fellowship). She didn't come sadly, and we still have some of her things. I'm hoping I can continue a relationship with her.

And I talked with our licensing worker this morning. I've been in touch with her during this process, and she was following up with me. While I had her on the phone- I asked her about our homestudy and she said that she is so busy with other things. She asked if I would be ok with an intern doing our homestudy. I'm definitely fine with that, and she said she can always call me if she has additional questions.

So the homestudy will most likely be the beginning of May!!
I'm glad to finally have a timeline- you know how much I like control and plans LOL

Prayers appreciated

There is a very strange situation I'm involved in, which might push our license through very quickly, but also might put us in a situation to foster a 14 year old girl.

We know a family at church, and without revealing too many details, I will say that H (the girl) and I have gotten very close. She is in my youth group, and she has stayed here a couple times. Her dad was arrested yesterday  and she can't go back to the home at this time. She is staying with us tonight for sure, and depending on the status of her father she may be staying her for an extended period of time.

We don't know what's happening, and are walking blindly and as always- trying to trust in God's plan. I will be updating!

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UPDATE-

We found out that H's dad is getting out of jail today. She is still probably staying with us tonight, and we aren't sure past that. He wasn't arrested because of anything having to do with her, and his parental rights are not in question. She will probably go home tomorrow. The problem lies with her stepmother, and although it seems the couple are separating for now, I don't think it will last and H will be back in a toxic situation. I am already planning to talk to CPS about a few issues I've observed in the home, but what I do know isn't enough to remove H and her brothers (2 and 6 mo) from the home. So odds are it will just be logged.





Update 2
CPS called us to ask if she was with us, as opposed to another place that had been reccomended. They want her to stay here tonight, but her dad isn't happy about that- and she doesn't want to be here either. I am having to move from the "friend" who is trying make her do her homework and make her laugh to the enforcer who is saying she has to do what CPS says. And if her dad doesn't agree with CPS then they are going to try and place her in respite care tonight. So either way she isn't going with her dad, but she doesn't see that. She really doesn't want to hear that she doesn't have certain options. That seems like such an obvious statement, but it didn't really occur to me that it would be a problem like this.

This is good training I think LOL

Update on me and Foster stuff

We've gotten a lot accomplished, and the nursery is just about done. I still want a glider/ottoman, but I am waiting for the funds to buy the one I want LOL.

We are waiting for our Licensing Agent to finish her other Homestudies before we can have ours done. She said we are next on the list. She did email me last week asking about our age limit because we had originally put 0-1. Well now we are going for 0-2 and instead of just one child, we are open to up to 4 and definitely sibling groups. I would even go up to 4 yrs if the child was a part of a sibling group. Somehow that seems wrong to say though, I'm not sure why.

We had also originally said we only wanted children who were TPRed (termination of parental rights) or were low risk for RU (reunification). And now we have completely changed that. At this point I just want and need kids in the house. So we are definitely open to Respite care, which I would LOVE, and we are taking just about any situation. We are even open to some moderate special needs. All in all, I think we've come to a good decision about what we can handle for now, but now we just wait for DHS-something I'm sure I will be doing a LOT of in my future.

But I have been struggling in the last few days with mourning what I am NOT going to have. I don't get to have a baby shower, tour a hospital, decide on the "coming home" outfit. I don't get to decide whether or not to have a photographer do newborn pictures in the hospital. I don't get to experience pregnancy, I don't get to even TRY to breastfeed, and I most likely won't be able to experience the first days, months or even years of my childs life.

I do believe that I will get PG and give birth someday, but I can't focus on that- and amidst my excitement of finally being a Mom (albeit a temporary one sometimes) I am smacked in the face with the reality that I am NOT the same as my mom friends. I feel like I'm emotionally pregnant. I remember reading that phrase on some adoption forums recently. But I am! I'm emotionally pregnant. But it's like I'm pregnant with no due date, and with no warning of what my due date will be. I know I will have children, and it will mostly be through adoption through foster care. But who knows how long the licensing process will continue to take, and then once we are licensed- it could be minutes or months or more before we have a placement.

I'm so excited for what is to come, but now I just get to sit and wait. And it sucks. I suppose God is preparing me for the wait that will inevitably come once we are licensed and even during an adoption process.