Monday, December 21, 2009


Well AF did in fact arrive. I am now on CD 5 and about to start Clomid again. BUT- I'm pretty happy about it. I have to schedule another Acupuncture appointment and I will be golden.
I truly feel that the acupuncture has made a huge difference with my depression, and now I am convinced it helped me ovulate as well.

I had my first counseling session today, and although it was short (I was 20 min late! WHOOPS!) I feel good about it. I get 5 free sessions with DHs EAP program, and I am seriously considering continuing beyond that. It all depends on how I feel after that.

Christmas seems surreal to me this year. I don't have any of my shopping done, and will have to do some after Christmas (we aren't celebrating with half our family til around New Years) And for some reason, I just don't have the Christmas cheer that I usually have.

Let's hope for another good cycle!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Mind Fetus

A friend of mine who had been TTC for quite some time coined the term "Mind Fetus". This is the condition that inevitably happens to a woman in the 2WW. Every single twinge, cramp, and breath is evaluated to discern whether or not you are pregnant. And often, you convince yourself that you in fact- ARE finally pregnant.

I have a mind fetus. I need to back away and stop, but I just can't. I have tried to reason with myself, but honestly- I've never been very good at listening to reason- especially from myself.

So I continue to have that internal debate with myself. The planning as if I really am pregnant, and then reminding myself that I might not be. The thinking of all the symptoms that convince me that I am... and then reminding myself that the symptoms of pregnancy are very similar to PMS, much to my annoyance. And of course, let's not forget the internal and forever debate of "To test, or not to test". This one I have failed miserably. As of right now I'm 8dpo, and I've already tested twice.

Again- I know LOGICALLY that the likelyhood of getting a positive is very small, but see... my self just doesn't want to listen. And often, self has a few choice words for me when I try to remind her of this. So I give in.

I am almost happy that I haven't had to deal with a 2ww before, I might have gone completely insane. Because having this many arguments with yourself isn't healthy!!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Acupuncture and Ovulation!!!!

I had my second acupuncture appointment on Friday. It was very different from before and I think I am good with that.

I discovered that the insertion of the needles hurts less if I am not watching her and close my eyes. I was MUCH more relaxed this time and I was in there for the full 45 minutes but it felt like it flew by.

I fell like the depression is definitely slowly lifting, but I am still trying to stay cautiously optimistic.

BUT- the SUPER good news is that I OVULATED!!!!

I am a little upset with myself because we did not plan the sexins as good as we could have and ended up only BD on day of O and about 4 days before. SO- I am trying not to be too hopeful for this cycle but it's not working very well.

Either way I am truly giddy that I have FINALLY managed to make my body work at least a little bit right.

I called my doctor to set up an appointment for next week- per her request. My appointment will be on 13dpo. I am going to try and wait until then and talk to her- we shall see how that goes ;)

In other news I have been dealing with TONS of family drama. My cousin- who I am very close to and whose two kids are my favorite kids ever- has broken up with her idiot BF and is constantly freaking out.
Now she is usually a grade A basketcase- but this week has been worse. And in hopes of making life easier for my nephews- I do a LOT to help her. But it's making me stress out.

And to top it off, my estranged sister walked back into my life this week. She and I did not really grow up together. We share the same father, but separate mothers- and we are only 4 months apart (Hello! Scandal!! LOL) and when we were 5 we were no longer allowed to see each other.

We kept in touch sparsely over the years and more often after high school. But before I got married she stopped speaking to me. I blame it on the daddy issues from my wedding. She thinks that our dad chose me and not her. It's a whole lotta drama.

Anyway- I saw her at a restaurant I frequent and we are having lunch tomorrow. She suggested it and I have hopes that she has grown up a bit and is ready to have a relationship with me. And maybe I can establish a relationship with my little brother some day as well.

One day I am really going to have to type out my whole sordid family story. It so SO insane and sometimes I forget that my family IS NOT normal!! LOL

Wish me luck for a BFP!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Back Pain and New Wii

I have had some killer back pain since Friday. I gave in and got a massage on Monday. It helped immensely but apparently I have a few discs out of place in my neck and that is what is causing most of my pain. I have had back pain before and dealt with it by taking Ibuprofen for a few days and living on a heating pad. This time I am torn.
On the one hand, I was given a trick that might help, but there is no guarantee and there is still definitely a problem. On the other hand I have a slight distrust of chiropractors. I used to love them but after a few times of suddenly having to go "every week" I had to back away. Add to that the fact that the process of getting into a chiropractor with my insurance is a GIANT pain. I have to get a referral from my PCP, who when I mention back pain throws muscle relaxers and strong pain meds at me.
I think I will try the trick my massage therapist mentioned and if it isn't better in a week start the process to get into a chiro.

In other news, we bought a Wii!! I have wanted one for over a year, and made the decision about 8 months ago to buy one when we had the spare cash. I FINALLY got the money. I had really wanted a Wii Fit as well, to help with the weight loss. I got a GREAT deal during Tday week and most of it came in the mail today. I had to wait around the house all day for UPS to arrive, which was annoying- but I'm SO happy to have it.

I got a Wii Fit plus which is pretty cool. The upgrades are nice because you can set a calorie goal for the day. So I set it to burn 90 calories a day. I can do more of course but once I hit that it tells me and after each exercise tells me how many calories I have burned, and how many I have left.
It also has some fun new games. I loved the Kung Fu one.

I couldn't do as much as I wanted because of my back, but it was still fun.

As far as ovulating goes, I'm pretty much confused as heck. My temp has spiked, then dropped, rinse and repeat. I am getting negative OPKs and definitely no EWCM. So we continue having sex in hopes that it will come soon, but I honestly am so confused. ::shrug::