Monday, June 28, 2010

Busy busy busy!

After recovering from being sick, I have been running non stop! I finally got around to stocking up the kitchen in the new house, and have been enjoying cooking again. Before we moved, I had gone back to not really cooking at all. As of right now I've cooked dinner every night in the last week!

I actually am hosting my biweekly family dinner tonight. It will be a little smaller but a couple cousins are coming over with their kids. In total, we will have 4 adults, 4 kids and one newborn! I have enjoyed these dinners and I'm glad I get to host them. :)

Saturday I hosted part of a progressive dinner for our teens, which was great and then all day yesterday we were at ILs at a party for BIL and SIL. They are moving to Japan (BIL is in the Navy) and will likely be there for a few years, so this was sort of a going away party. We didn't get home until 1am, although part of that time was spent playing Rock Band with BIL and SIL! We had so much fun and I wish we got to spend more time with them.

My body is confusing me. I think AF arrived, but just when I think she didn't, she rears her ugly head again. I STILL haven't started the progesterone, and when I thought AF arrived, I was just going to go with that, but now I am going to take it anyway to get a full clean start.

And then I need to figure out where I put my folder of info. It has my Clomid prescription in it!! :) Moving is so FUN

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I have moved!!

We moved on Saturday and I have finally gotten a chance to sit down and update what's been going in. I warn you now, this is a VERY LONG blog post.

First of all, I'm glad to be moved and in the new house. I'm working on organizing, but I hit a bit of a snag when I got SUPER sick on Sunday night. I ended up in the ER with a fever of 102.8 that would NOT go down. They sent me home with an official diagnosis of  "sore throat" but said they thought it was strep since I was definitely exposed (Josh had it last week) and I was exhibiting symptoms. I am on Antibiotics but I'm starting to think it's bronchitis since it's ALL in my chest at this point. But they would give me antibiotics for bronchitis too so I'm not going to do anything until I am done with the meds.

My SIL is staying with us right now. I posted about her in my last post, but didn't get a chance to update. She was completely sober when DH found her, but she was determined to go to KY with a guy she had known for just a few days. After staying with us and trying to get the funds for the ticket, she decided not to go and finally realized that this guy was NOT GOOD. As of right now she is very motivated to STAY clean, and that is going to require some work. It's easy for her when she is staying with us, but it's another thing to be out on her own or something. I am not willing to let her stay here indefinitely, since we would not be able to get into the foster care program, but she is here until Sunday, and possibly longer depending on the circumstances. We are taking it one step at a time. She has actually been very helpful and very respectful of me and my ground rules. She and I are the same age so we get along well, even if we don't have much in common.

We also went to our fostercare orientation yesterday. It was pretty much stuff we already knew, but we found out that the first classes we will be able to start classes in the fall. DH is a little disappointed that we won't be able to go until then, but I'm ok with it. I am putting a lot of hope on this cycle of Clomid, which I still haven't started. I haven't even started my progesterone. I just picked it up the other day!!! I am just SO TIRED of not getting pregnant, that I am DETERMINED that if I do EVERYTHING right I can make it happen. What? That doesn't work? LOL. Logically I know that it doesn't quite work that way, but somehow I keep trying to think of ways that I can make this cycle work ya know?

If you made it through all that, you are a saint :)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My family needs prayers, badly

I can’t really go into it all right now but my SIL, who is a drug addict who we thought was recovering, has relapsed in the last few weeks. As far as we know she is at a bus station in Detroit and DH is on his way to find her and hopefully pick her up.

The plan as it stands is to bring her back to our home right now. Since we live in the boonies and she doesn’t know where we live, it’s the best solution. FIL and StepMIL will pick her up tomorrow and admit her to rehab for the 4th time.
Pray. Pray. Pray. Please. I am not sure how to handle all this and I am freaking out.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Off day

I'm a pretty confident person 90% of the time. But I have an issue with feeling like I'm being excluded from something. Maybe it's a side effect of being an only child and always being alone, but I have a compulsion to be included wherever I am.
When I was a young teenager, this made me crazy and I didn't know how to handle it. As I got older I finally realized that sometimes people aren't excluding me, they are just turning their heads, or whatever it is that they are doing.

And I've gotten way better. I have found ways to make sure I don't turn twitchy when I am not being included in something, but I still have those thoughts. I still see faces that people make, or something that they say or the tone in their voice, and I usually think that they are wishing I wasn't around, or something like that. This usually makes me start acting loud and awkward because I'm self consious that they don't want me around. It's a vicious cycle. I am very good at making sure that doesn't happen with my close circle of friends, but sometimes when I got out with people who I don't see all the time, it happens.

And I think my hormones make it worse. I feel like I am on the clomid right now, even though I know I'm not. I'm just having a bad emotional day.

Ever since my breakdown on Saturday I've been fighting desperately to get back the confidence and calm that I had about everything in life. But I can't seem to get there. I'm anxious, nervous and just all around depressed. I hate that. A lot.

Thankfully I'm distracting myself with packing. And I've discovered that I have a LOT of crap. Purging is very cathartic, so it has helped my mood immensely. I think I'm actually going to go upstairs and pack now. It feels good to have things organized and pared down. Apparently I needed the deadline of moving to make me do these things.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wait.... Who is that?

Could that possibly be Stephanie?

Yes, I've been gone for a while. I have been reading, commenting when I can but that's about it. A fellow blogger posted a couple days ago that not blogging is like a vicious cycle. You don't blog because you are too busy, or other random reasons. And then when you can blog, there is so much to say that you don't because it's too daunting.

So as much as I would like to go into every detail of why the following things happened, I can't or this would be a post that lasted a year. So instead, I'm just gonna give you the bullet points.
  • We are MOVING!! We found a rental house, 6 blocks from our church that is in our budget and is beautiful. We move on June 19th and I am really excited. Yeay for moving forward!!
  • We are taking a break with TTC until we move. I am anxious about being on clomid again and I want to wait until we are settled. And I'm just tired
  • I am an auntie to a new baby girl. I thought I was going to be fine when she was born, I wasn't. I had a major breakdown and ended up realizing that it's a REALLY good thing that we are taking a break.
  • DH is on board with IUI and maybe even a mini IVF if we are lead in that direction, although I doubt that's going to happen. 
  • We have decided to do this round of Clomid and then start a study at a local university that will do clomid/femara and then IUI for up to 6 cycles.
  • We are going to a foster care orientation on June 22nd. I am pretty excited about this, but also super nervous. 
So all in all, very good things. Limbo feels like it's on its way out the door and we are moving forward FINALLY!!!