as life has been rather hectic lately- I'm sure you can imagine.
But I had an "aha" moment tonight, and as usual- I feel the need to type it out- so here I go.
*DISCLAIMER* This is a jumbled up nonsensical mess. I typed as I thought, and didn't edit much. So if you get through it- you will be rewarded with a small update at the bottom- or ya know- you could skip the crazy and go straight to the update :)
I was perusing Pinterest (which is addicting by the way) and I came across THIS article. I only got through the first page before a concept hit me. God CALLS us to care for the orphaned. I'm not saying that everyone has to adopt, or that it's right for everyone- because it's not. What I'm saying is that this is God's calling for my life, and he knows me better than I know myself. He knows that I like to stay in my comfort zone.
I KNOW that we are meant to foster, and adopt, and help as many children in the foster care system as they will let us. But two years ago- I didn't know this. I was focused on babies. I wanted a BABY. The "normal" way. I was SO focused on it that I put fostering on a back burner- saying that we would do it "later".
I sadly know that if I had gotten what I prayed so fervently for- for so many months- I would not have fostered. Maybe much later in my life, but I doubt even then. I would have gotten comfortable in my life. I would have enjoyed my baby, and had another, and then once we hit three, I would have said- "well I'm done now". And I never would have stopped to consider the children who were waiting for my love. And God has blessed me with the heart for fostercare. And he will somehow give me the grace to get through whatever is thrown my way.
I've always known that I wanted to be a Mom, but somehow today- I finally understand what my calling in life is. TO HELP CHILDREN. Not just in a hands off way, but to take them into my home, into my heart- and to change their lives the only way I know how. To love them. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to have everything together (which I feel I NEVER do). All I have to do is Love them. That part is easy. The rest- the discipline and the tantrums and the politics that come with Fostering- That part God will have to take care of, and give me the strength to handle. But I know that we are not even close to done. We want at least two more, and then once our kids are grown- and we have made it through parenting teenagers- we want to take in teenagers. If God leads us in that direction of course.
So for the first time in almost 3 years- I am thankful for Infertility. Not just accepting, but THANKFUL. Because had I not gone through all that struggle, we would have never chosen to foster, and I would still be feeling like something is missing.
And for a fun note- we are moving forward on the adoption for A and G, and we have chosen new names for them. Adoption should be finalized in April!! I'm overwhelmed by how awesome these kids are, but that's a much longer post than this one already is :)