A lot of things have changed for me. I have really been working on my depression. I have had two therapy sessions, and I have been working on journaling to deal with most of my feelings.
Then Christmas and NY happened and for about 3 weeks I didn't have time to breathe.
I am on CD28 right now and FF says I Oed on CD22. So I will probably test next week sometime. Maybe next weekend.
I have been working on a purpose for myself. Right now my main purpose is working on our home renovation projects and building my photography business. The two actually blend together because I plan to set up a bare bones studio in our front room. We are replacing the floors in a couple months as well as doing a minor remodel in our kitchen.
We've also made a decision regarding TTC/Adoption. We hadn't really set a timeline on how long we would wait to make the decision to adopt rather than continue the TTC process. I figured it would be significantly sooner than others, because of our views on adoption. DH has been pushing slightly for adoption for quite a while, especially when I was struggling.
Well we had a serious discussion a few nights ago and made a decision. Although I am well aware that I have SO many options available to me at this point, we aren't going to take advantage of all of them right now. We are going to work on becoming foster parents. We want to adopt within the foster system.
Right now we are working on a checklist of things to fix in our house based on some things one of DHs friends told him. These are things that we want to do for our own children as well of course.
We are going to continue TTC and working with the doctor until about May, which is how long it should take to finish all the things we need. If I haven't gotten a BFP by May we are going to stop the fertility treatments in any form. We won't be preventing, but I don't really consider that TTC for me ;).
This isn't about giving up on having a biological child. And we may return to IF treatments later on. But right now we have too much love to give and are willing to take in children who need it. And if that's what God has in store for us, we are open to it. At this point, it is 100% in his hands. Which is what I should have done from the start.
I really feel like I am doing 1000 times better than I was last year and I'm determined to make 2010 a better year. I am working my way out of the black hole of depression, and I'm finally giving our TTC struggles 100% to God. I kept trying to do that before, but it wasn't working very well. It's still a daily struggle, but I'm very at peace with it all.