Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Random worries of the week

I'm worried that I'm going to overstim and we are going to have to cancel the cycle.

I'm worried that the whole cycle won't work.

I'm worried that we will move into a new house and I STILL won't be PG

I'm worried that my sanity is REALLY going this time.


I'm in a valley of this roller coaster. I go back and forth from Fine with everything to SO NOT fine.

And right now with everything going on I am just NOT fine. I am worried about our house situation.

We are trying to do a short sale on our house but might end up having to do foreclosure. At this point, we are running out of time and I think the house would do better if we weren't living in it. But we can't buy a house until we can rebuild DHs credit enough.

I found out today that my Mom's old house- that we have been keeping an eye on- is dropping even lower in price. An old neighbor friend called me to tell me that they are willing to accept just about anything and they are desperate. So we are going to WAY low ball them and ask to rent for like 6 months. Not really lease to own, but just rent so we can build up DHs credit but not have to move into an apartment.

And if they say no- it's not the end of the world. It's a great house, but it was my Moms house and it's not really my style. It would take a lot of work to make it my style. But for that price, I wouldn't be able to pass it up.

I'm just a ball of nerves right now.

I know I've said it before, but I AM SO SICK OF LIMBO. I just want to be SURE of something, at least ONE thing... just for a moment.

But even as I type this I am reminded to count my blessings.

I am sure that of my marriage. I am sure of the fact that no matter what is thrown at me, my husband will be standing next to me. I am sure of my family and their unwavering support.

My mother offered to buy her old house and rent it to us. I told her no, that we need to do this on our own- but the fact that she offered just reminds me of the amazing support system I have.

So although I started this post feeling sorry for myself. I am thankful that God has made it clear to me today what his plan is. I don't believe that while I am thinking that I don't want to buy this house because the bedrooms are too small, and the carpet isn't my color, suddenly the option is forced back in my face. It's a great house. My mom put a LOT of work into it. But I'm being a brat and I want my dream house right now. But our budget will not allow that at this moment. Our budget is for the in between house. And this house is the perfect in between house. It has all of our necessities. And some of the bonuses too.

And I don't know if we will actually end up in that house. But it's possible that we will. And I am reminded again and again that God's plan is perfect. His timing is PERFECT. If I can LET GO long enough to let him do HIS work, I am always amazed at how perfectly it fits together. Better than I- the constant planner- could EVER dream.

So I'm sorry that this post is one big ramble. You have just experienced a day in the life of my brain. Welcome, embrace the insanity! LOL

4 comments:

  1. Great reminder to let go and listen to God's voice in your life - something I'm struggling with at the moment, too. Just remember it'll all be all right in the end, and if it isn't all right, it isn't the end. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  2. I echo what Shannon said... you can only do so much to control your circumstances... for the things you can't control... try to not worry about it... it's not worth you joy and your peace.... thank God you do have that support system and people who love you.. hope things get better really really soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love that you started listing the things you are sure of! That always helps me to. To know that we're sure of our husband's support! To know that there are things we can control, even when so much is out of our hands. That we are taking steps in the right direction even when it seems like it will take forever to reach the destination we want to get to. I'll be praying for you.
    HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Stephanie, you're the only other IF blogger I've seen from Michigan, so I have to tell you I just found out about a study through Wayne State University. If you're accepted into the 4-month study, they pay for your meds (Clomid or Femara or Injectables) and they give you an IUI each month for free. Here's a link to the story about it: http://www.wwj.com/pages/6916008.php. Thought it was worth checking out anyway.

    ReplyDelete