I had my ultrasound this morning to check the follicles. I got to see Dr W- who is super cute! I adore him. He is funny and always makes me feel at ease.
Have I told you guys how much I LOVE my REs office? Just checking ;)
A med student actually did the U/S and it wasn't so bad but Dr W said that my uterus was cloudy or something along those lines. He wanted to check my progesterone because he feels that I may have already ovulated.
Or the Femara didn't work and I have to start over with a possible higher dose.
He noted that the biggest follicle was misshapen and that's another reason he thinks I may have already ovulated.
My chart says I haven't ovulated, so I'm pretty grim right now. I was SO OPTIMISTIC about this cycle, and now I'm just numb. I'm upset and angry and just.... I don't even think there is a word to describe what I am right now.
On the way home I was just wondering, Will I EVER be pregnant? I know that I believed that God had told me that I would someday, but that of course doesn't mean that I will be right now. And what if I was just making that up in my head to delude myself even further!
Thankfully I am keeping my 2yr old niece this week, and I also have Joshua this evening. The two of them should help to keep me in good spirits, but overall I'm pretty pessimistic.
I want to hope that Dr W will call and tell me that my Progesterone levels are high, and I've already ovulated! Because we timed sex pretty well. And then we might still have a chance. But I can't hope that right now. Because I was REALLY hopeful the last two weeks. I was CONVINCED that I was going to get PG this cycle. And the higher your hopes are, the harder you fall.
When did I get this cynical?