POAS today

I REALLY told myself that I wasn't going to POAS 12 times this cycle. I'm amazed I made it this far LOL

I wanted to see if the HCG from the trigger shot was out of my system. I got my first ever BFP LOL. But it's a VERRRYYY faint line, so I'm not too worried about it.

I was having visions of getting a BFP and then getting the blood results back and being told that it was just the trigger shot that stayed in my system for too long. So I had to know. I am a control freak- I realize this LOL

So now- hopefully when I test in a week, and I get a BFP (we're being horribly optimistic this cycle, it's dangerous, but I've given up being cautious LOL) I will have the chance to be immediately excited and celebrate, instead of worrying that it's a false positive.

I was trying really hard to hold on to being cautious to protect myself from what will happen if it doesn't work. And it wasn't working very well. So I've decided that if I'm going to hope this much, I might as well put everything I have into it. I will have a nervous breakdown either way if this cycle doesn't work, so why not enjoy it now!! LOL

Am I crazy for that? Over a year of BFNs have taught me that hope is dangerous when it comes to TTC. And yet- this cycle I have dreamed and planned and played "What If" in my head a thousand times. I might as well be saying this stuff out loud! At least to my blog at least. :D

Here's hoping for a BFP next week!!! This has been the worst 2ww EVER!!