I belong to a close knit message board, and each year we do an ornament exchange. I got mine early this year, and it was from a fellow IF friend. She sent me a beautiful ornament of a Hopi fertility deity name Kokopelli. Along with this, she sent me a note with my favorite bible verse written at the bottom. Jeremiah 29:11. I'm sure many of you know this verse. I'm sure some of you- like me- have said it over and over like a mantra, especially during the trying times of IF.
I have loved this verse for many years, and today- I found new meaning.
She had written it in a translation that I hadn't seen it in before. After some googling, I discovered it was English Standard Version. I usually like NKJV or NIV, and the new translations usually lack a certain reverence that I appreciate. But this might just change my mind. Here is the translation.
11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
A FUTURE AND A HOPE. God WANTS ME to have HOPE! I've been working very hard in the last couple months to not hope. Because hope has gotten me nowhere. But hope is necessary! I have to hope! I have to believe that he WILL bring me a child, because he CAN. Because he is the be all and end all. He is The Christ.
This is huge for me. Especially with AF arriving this morning. I am trying not to hope that I will get pregnant on my own, or hope that we will fly through adoption preceedings. But why not? I can hope! I need to focus my energy on doing everything I can to fulfill God's plan. But hope isn't bad!
If I hadn't hoped as I did last cycle, I wouldn't have been devastated- and I wouldn't have come to the conclusion that we need to stop and pursue adoption. What if there is a child RIGHT NOW who is being born, or about to be born that is waiting for me to love them? Why is it bad to hope?
I know that the hope that I have could disappoint me. But God never will. So if my hope fails me, God will hold me up and give me the strength I need.
God really does provide. I truly needed this tonight. Thank you Lord!!