Monday, November 23, 2009

Update of sorts

Paul has been on vacation this week, and it's been a vacation of sorts for me as well. We laid around, read and did a few house projects. I got through 4 books and thoroughly enjoyed myself. We only fought once in the week, which for us lately is a feat. I think he really needed the break. I don't pretend to think that he is the only one at fault for us fighting, but it sure is easier to NOT fight with someone who isn't snapping at you all the time.

In other news, I am going to my first acupuncture appointment tomorrow morning. I had originally done research on the effects on acupuncture with fertility treatments, and had found glowing reviews. Then I learned a bit about its effects on depression and I was sold. I am getting increasingly excited about this appointment. I'm not getting my hopes up about any help I may receive with this cycle, since I'm about halfway through already, but if she can help with even my depression that would be fantastic.

We had a conversation this evening about TTC. I told him I am considering taking a break if this cycle doesn't work. I just don't want to deal with it all right now. I don't know if I really will, but right now I can't for the life of me remember why we started all this.

This led to a discussion about what we wanted. I have felt for a while like Paul didn't really care about TTC. He has always been VERY pro adoption. I am as well but having a biological child is very important to me. I want to have OUR child. I want to see his smile on a child with my eyes. And I have felt that the doesn't want this as much as I do and he has pushed on more than one occasion to start the adoption process. Tonight I asked him why. Turns out I could have saved myself a whole lot of anxiety. He was under the impression that I was feeling pressure to give him a baby.Or as he put it "to give me a SON" LOL. I am amazed at how much we misunderstand each other sometimes. His enthusiasm was only his way of telling me that it was OK if at any point I don't want to try anymore.
I love that man. Even if he is so very maddening at times.

3 comments:

  1. Awwww. They surprise you sometimes don't they? Sometimes it frustrates me how they mask their feelings. You want to say, "If you would have just said that, things would have been a lot easier!"!!

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  2. Awe, yay, what a good conversation! I'm glad he told you why so you're on the same page with everything.

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  3. Its amazing through the struggles of infertility and loss how much we think we are on the same page with our SO's, but sometimes not so much. I am glad you guys were able to talk it out.

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