Friday, March 12, 2010

Anger

That's what I'm feeling right now. And disappointment. And just an overall feeling of STUCK. We can't get pregnant right now, and it will take a while to get into the RE. Ok fine.

We can't start the foster process right now because we are in a house that we won't be living in in 6 months. I hate this house right now. I want out. But we need it to sell first.

Today I just lost it. I screamed at the house (after finding a bug in the bathroom, like that wouldn't happen ever at any other house LOL) and just wanted to move NOW. I want to be back in the town we are moving to. I want to be in the house that we will be in when we have kids, wherever that may be. I want to NOT be stuck in limbo where I can't fix anything but I can't change anything either. I want to NOT want to scream at everything and cry at even more. I want to NOT have to deal with this.

It's not fair. NOT FAIR.

I think that should be the official slogan for IF. It's NOT FAIR.

Why can stupid 16 year olds get pregnant when they don't deserve it?

I need to say that my husband is awesome. He is my rock, truly and completely. Tonight he just held me while I completely lost it. And he was my voice of reason and calm. How he is so strong about this I have NO idea. He is just awesome.

I need to stop ranting and go to bed. But I'm angry, and hurt, and a bunch of other emotions that I can't even put into words.

4 comments:

  1. *huge hugs* I could have written this post. I am so sorry...know I am thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know how you feel, unfortunately! I feel like we're stuck too - no pregnancy and no chance of starting the adoption process for at least another 6-12 months. Ugh! WHY couldn't I have been a slutty crackhead teenager??
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I too have felt that way. I was almost about to start smoking crack thinking maybe if I smoke it I'll get pregnant- maybe if we go have sex in the back seat we could get pregnant too.

    It isn't fair and there isn't anything I can say to make you feel better either.

    Sorry! ((HUGS)) IF sucks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. *hugs* I am so sorry your feeling stuck and not able to move forward to what you want.

    ReplyDelete