Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Doctor's Appointment

I just got back from an appointment with my OB/GYN. I have been working with her on the treatment, and I needed to see her after the insanity that was last month.

I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to even be in her office. Every woman in the waiting room was PG, and then when I was finally moved back to a room, I heard the dopplers on the PG women and heard baby heartbeats!

At that point I lost it. I was glad to be alone. But I have been dealing with the reality that I might never be pregnant. It might not happen. And I realized in that moment that I couldn't be in her office every month. It's just too much. I REALLY like her and she has been wonderful, but she is still an OB and that makes it hard.

By the time she came into the room, I had decided that I was going to ask for a referral to a RE. But I didn't get a chance. She suggested it after I told her about my problems with Clomid this last cycle.

Unfortunately she can't give me a referral, I have to talk to my PCP (I hate Blue Care Network) but she did give me a couple of recommendations.

She also gave me a script for a SA for DH. We are going to go next week and the results will be sent to her. Once that is done, we will go to the RE.

Overall I am very numb about all of this. I want to be excited because we are moving on to another phase of treatment and this might mean a solution, and eventually a positive pregnancy test. But at the same time, I am done getting my hopes up. It's a very real possibility that we will be moving on to Foster care in the very near future and I am starting to feel that it really is God's plan for us. I still want to exhaust our options, but every day I feel God leading me in that direction.

I am afraid of moving on to adoption/foster care and what that means. It means I will be saying that I am OK with never being pregnant. Because that might happen. It means taking on the extra struggles that come with foster children. I do believe that Paul and I can handle it, but I need to come to terms with it first.

6 comments:

  1. Moving to the RE was the best decision I ever made. No, I'm not pregnant yet, but it all makes more sense now! Good luck! Can't wait to hear!

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  2. hi stephanie. i found your blog while searching for foster care & adoption blogs.

    first of all, i'm sorry for all the trouble you are having with getting pregnant. i had some difficulty getting pregnant and had one miscarriage before getting pregnant with my son who is now 16. i never tried to get pregnant again for various reasons.

    anyway, what i wanted to express to you was that i am currently a foster parent who is in the process of adopting a 13-month old little girl. she came to live with my son & i at 1 day old. and i can honestly tell you that the love i have for her is no different than the love i have for my son. i know that it's easy for me to say that not having been pregnant with her makes absolutely no difference. and i even forget sometimes that i didn't give birth to her. weird i know.

    plus there are so many people with the story that when they decided to stop fertility treatments and begin the adoption process they end up pregnant.

    i always like to remember that families are made in all different ways!

    good luck and all the best to you and your family!

    mariah

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  3. Sorry you had such a hard time at your ob's. I think going to see a RE will be good. They will be able to run more specialized tests and have more insight on things. I hope the switch will make it easy.

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  4. Thank you Mariah- it's very encouraging to hear stories like yours!

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  5. you are very welcome stephanie. good luck!

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  6. Your ob is making some suggestions so that is hopeful. :) Hoping all goes well with the RE. *hugs*

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