I have Joshua today, and it's been a fun day. I always enjoy my days with him because I feel like I have more purpose. I also get more accomplished because I can't sit and watch TV.
We were having lunch, and I swear, everything he does is cute. I can't help but laugh at him when he eats. And it hurts a little because this is what I want EVERY day. And I feel like it's never going to happen. But I know that God has a plan. I trust that I will be a Mom someday. Whether it's a child that is biologically ours or one that we were blessed with through adoption, I know that God will bless us with a child.
The problems for me come in when I try to tell God HOW to bless us with a child. I am one of those Christians who thinks that God HAS to have a sense of humor. I have this image in my head of God's reaction when we tell him what WE think he should do in our lives. It's generally the reaction my husband has when I ask him to do something outrageous. He looks at me with a blank face, and then busts out laughing.
And really, that's what God SHOULD do when we try to take over the plans! Who am I to tell GOD what is best. I know NOTHING compared to him.
I try to remind myself of this when my control-freak nature surfaces. I'm not always successful, but I try.